Life really does suck...

I'm figuring out a LOT of things in this life as I go. And you know, most of them are really shitty. Life is only what you make of it to a certain point, and then the inevitable takes over. Nature is ridiculously cruel to women after our child bearing is over. The inequity between the sexes is staggering. Kids ruin marriages. Women don't grow cold because we're selfish or angry, it's because the men in our lives check out on us and leave us dangling emotionally for years.

I have been in a downward spiral of a marriage for a while now. I married a selfish, often very childish man. And his neanderthalic (is that a word?) ways are really starting to get annoying. The worst part of all of it is knowing he doesn't respect me anymore (if he ever did). He doesn't even remember what it was like for us when it was good. He TOLD me that. How do you forget?? We've only been together 8 years!

Check out this list of lovely things he's said to me in the past couple of months:

The kids would be better off in daycare
The house is almost ghetto
You don’t care what you look like
Other women get back in shape after pregnancy
That’s a good mommy bathing suit
Are you EVER happy?
What’s wrong today? You’re irritated.

There's some version of one of those most every day.

But where am I left? Why divorce him? Then I have to put my kids in daycare so I can work (although I'm sure he thinks that's better for them anyway), I'd have the headache of visitation. I don't need all that, and I'm not interested in another relationship so why bother? I just wish I could stop caring, like he has. I WANT To give up, I WANT to stop caring, just fuckitall...why can't I figure out HOW to???

Well, imagine that...duty calls.