My Gregory Story, Part 1

Gregory…you know, we went through about two dozen names before we settled on yours. And oh how it fits you now. I can’ t imagine you as any other name but our Gregory Charles.

You are a bit past a month older than 4 as of this writing. Four…I know that in the scheme of your life it is but a blink, but they have been the four most important years of my life. With you, everything was new, and still is! You have a tough job as the oldest, and the challenges that you already face will probably provide a bit more to handle as the biggest brother of you three Amicos.

You seem so big to me lately, so “little boy” and no longer “baby boy”. I suppose that’s because you truly are no longer a baby. Long gone are the bottles, the baby food, the crib, the rattles, and even now the diapers (yay!!!). Gone are the days of cradling you alongside my body after a big bottle and even bigger burp while you drift off to sleep next to my heartbeat. Yes, I’ve had those soft, tender times with your brother and sister, but with you they were fresh and new. The memory now of them is surreal…like drifting in warm, billowy clouds in near silence, with a golden wash of sunlight illuminating a dream…and you, tiny, perfect and soft sleeping inside the circle of my arms.

I held you that first day I brought you home, hardly believing you were truly mine. It still amazes me that your father and I created you, that you grew inside of me, and that I was given such a gift from God. There is no other Gregory, you are singular and unique and so special to me.

Though you will never understand it, all the challenges you face are mine as well. I walk through them all with you, sometimes holding your hand when I can, sometimes in the shadows of helplessness, sometimes cheering you on. And the hardest part of all is when I sometimes have to let you go to navigate your trials on your own. At times it seems like far too much for a small boy to live with, but I have to believe that you will grow within yourself and learn to be all you need to be around the challenges that you face. As long as I draw breath, I will be here for you, to help you through whatever I can, and be there for you if all else fails. But I know you…in your first four years in my life I have learned nothing quite as strong as your determination. You don’t even know it yet, but it’s there. And it will get you through anything…I know it will.

I treasure precious moments from you so much, because you’re going to need me to care for you less and less over the coming years. It’ll turn into a different kind of need, that I know. But I rather like the day-to-day tasks of your young childhood. Picking out your clothes, bathing you, helping you dress, helping you clean up your toys. The one thing I do hope never changes is your hug. There is love and peace and perfection inside your little arms when you hug me so tight. It’s the sweetest part of my day.

I just checked on you sleeping tight in your bed. Looking more like the baby I remember than the little boy trying to be bigger and bigger every day. Oh if you could only stay that little boy for a while longer than the worlds will allow…

You are so very special to me, Gregory. You made me what I love more than anything…a mommy.