It's not even HERE yet...

...and I'm already depressed. I've dreaded today for weeks. The girls go home, Tony goes back to work, I'm back to my life. UGH why can't I just enjoy my life? Why can't I be happy with it? I KNOW it's the best option for my children, but just the mere thought of my life depresses me. It's the being alone with the kids all day that really kills me, I think. Knowing that tomorrow, the people who have kept me company for the past few weeks will be gone. And it's easier for all of them, I think. The girls go home to their mother and lives and school. Mom and Tony go to work, Maria does whatever Maria does. But I'm ever here, in these walls, with my kids and my life.

So someone help me out here. WHY does it suck so badly? Why am I so depressed inside this world? My kids are my proudest achievement, yet the simple reality of my life makes me nuts. I don't want to work, because I will not entrust the daily care and raising of my babies to another person. Not to mention I don't plan on missing much of their young lives. I'm just DREADING tomorrow...everyone gone. Why can't I be happy with keeping a house and raising my kids???