SSDD

so many of my posts seem to be about my failing marriage. it's the one thing that always seems to bring me to the keyboard. when i don't know where else to go for some reason it drags me back here. so here i go again.

so often when we have a big issue, one or both of us still feels strongly that our relationship can not only survive but be strong again. problem lately seems to be that both of us are nearing giving up. it's like it's just getting too hard to hold on.

i feel like a horrible miserable wife for not being more understanding of his illness. maybe this is all my fault and the way he's becoming is truly a part of his disease. and no matter what happens to us, i'm scared of him dying. i'm scared to death of sitting by his hospital bed watching him waste away and die. i was even in tears trying to figure out how much life insurance i really need on him this morning.

how can there be SO much love in a failing marriage? I KNOW the foundation is there. i still feel it solid under this shaky building. it's just like every story that was added onto our building got shakier and shakier.

Ugh another short post...duty calls.